We ruined the good surprise on you.

Sometimes I say to myself, “I want it all.”

I want the surprise party, where people jump out and shout. I want to see the excitement on their faces as they see the surprise on mine. I want to wear a plastic sparkly crown and attempt to blow out prank candles. I imagine I have a pile of presents sitting before me, and each one has meaning, pick special by the people who I love the most. We will chat, laugh, and enjoy each others company until the wee hours of the morning. It will ultimately be the best party I have ever been to or had thrown for me.

Then I take a deep breath and a long look in the mirror.

In the morning I will wake and be another year older. My husband will give me a kiss, and tell me Happy Birthday and that he loves me to the moon. My sweet baby girl will stand in her bed and say with a fresh morning voice, “Ma-Ma” and give me sweet baby kisses.

My boys will wake for school and I will fix them breakfast, and while they are still warm with sleep they will come into the kitchen and wrap their warm little arms around me and tell me Happy Birthday. They will smile their sleepy smiles at me and melt my heart.

Throughout my day I will talk to my family who wish me great things on my special day. We will talk about the day I was born and something I did that sticks out in their mind.

This is my perfect birthday.

and while I may dream of a day filled with “it all”,

In reality…

I already have everything I could wish for.