Learning to breathe…

One year.

I still lose my breath,

when I think about that day.

How

I wasn’t there

to

hold her hand,

caress her face,

tell her

one last time

how much she meant

to me.

To, my children.

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She was my best friend.

My mother.

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The one woman in my life who made me believe that there were good women on this earth.

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The one I aim to be like.

She taught me love, compassion,

The Lords prayer, and

Grace.

It’s been one year and a day since I heard her voice.

We talked of Thanksgiving, and Christmas,

and a Hello Kitty necklace she bought for Bella.

We talked frequently about how I didn’t know what I would do without her.

I lost my breath that day.

The miles between us seemed infinite,

never ending.

The car ride was painful.

Memories flowing like burning tears on my cheek.

How?

To survive without this person in my life was impossible.

Yet here I am,

a year later.

Able to laugh, in spite of the pain.

Listening to saved voicemails,

her voice preserved forever.

Listening to my children tell stories with smile and not tears,

watching them remember her the way she was meant to be remembered.

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She was right.

in the stories she told me,

How she was able to deal with death.

You don’t get over it.

You won’t.

Just,

Learn to breathe again.

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3 thoughts on “Learning to breathe…

  1. 11 years later, I still have to remind myself to take a breath. I hope my children are as close to their grandparents as I was (and are with 2 of them still) with mine. Talking and remmeberinv have been the best therapy for me. I love telling my children stories of the adventures we used to have.

    • It though you were spam for some reason. I fixed it!
      The memories are what I cherish the most. They remember her so fondly that it puts me at ease knowing her memory will live on.

  2. I wrote a really long reply and now it seems to have disappeared. I’ll shorten what I said before: it always hurts, you alway miss them, and sometimes you find yourself holding your breath or struggling to breathe…but it does get better, one breath at a time.

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